I acknowledge that the Lord knows best -
When I was 15 years old we were living in Colorado Springs and I was very happy there. I had great friends at church and at school. My father was completing his time in the military and looking for a urology group that needed a new doctor. I campaigned hard for him to look for a position in Colorado. He wanted very much to move home to Headland, Alabama – but the only urology group in Dothan didn’t need a partner. So if he moved to Dothan he would have to open his own practice – pretty scary for a young man with a family to support. So staying in Colorado started to seem like a possibility. Then some urologists in Decatur contacted my father. They needed a partner and wanted him to join them. So we were moving to Alabama but we would not be living near my grandparents and other relatives. When my parents told me that we were moving to Decatur – I thought they were trying to ruin my life. Even though I didn’t want to leave Colorado, moving to Dothan – where I’d be near my grandmother – made some sense. Moving to Decatur made no sense. But on that first Sunday when we walked into church in the old Tanner building (fifteen minutes late as was our custom), sitting on the back row of the chapel (as was his custom) was my future husband, the then fifteen year old Butch Green. Everything good about my life is a result of that decision my parents made to move our family to Decatur. I know that the Lord guided them to make the right choice.
Show introduction video – warn of poor picture and photography quality – made for a youth fireside years ago – didn’t think they could picture me young and therefore relate to me – many years later – have the same concern. Showing the same video.
In many ways we are all different – in different stages of life, different circumstances. But we also share many things. We are women, as children of God we are sisters. And we have all been given the commandment to be perfect, even as our Father in Heaven is perfect. Just saying those words makes my blood pressure rise. It seems impossible, hopeless. But our Father wouldn’t ask us to do something that couldn’t be accomplished. Do we follow our own agenda or are we truly here to do what the Lord sent us to do? Are we trying to fulfill the measure of our creation? With His help, all things are possible.
With the understanding that I am far from perfect, I’d like to share some ideas with you about how we can stay on that strait road to perfection without losing our minds.
Start where you are –
We can’t go back and change things in the past, we can’t continuously put off until a perfect tomorrow to make changes. All we can do is start where we are and make small improvements one at a time, line upon line, precept upon precept.
So first we need to figure out what it is we want to accomplish. (pass out notecards/pens)
You’ll notice that I’m passing out plain, cheap notecards. I could have spent hours making cute little ones on cardstock, cutting them out and don’t think I didn’t consider it. But I’m convinced that the key to success is simplifying our lives and putting less effort into things that don’t really matter – like notecards. There aren’t rules for everything – Emeril Lagasse taught me that. I was watching his show once and he started putting more than one layer of lasagna noodles on top of the meat and I was shocked. The rule is one layer of pasta on top of the meat. But he said there was no rule. He said you could double up the cheaper, more healthy pasta layers. So I figured if it’s okay to put more than one layer of pasta in lasagna, maybe there are other ‘rules’ that I’ve been following unnecessarily. Like folding towels. I thought they had to be folded the way my grandmother taught me. I still like that method best – but now I don’t refold if someone else folds them a different way. In fact have found that towels work just as well straight from the laundry basket.
I’m not advocating slovenly living or overly pasta-filled lasagna. But I am saying that if there is an easier, cheaper, simpler way to do something – it is often the best option.
Now back to our goals. Think about the goals you have for your life and then choose just one longterm goal that has eternal or spiritual significance. For instance – it is my dream to someday go on a mission with my husband. Ideally we would be in a position to go when our last son – who is now 12 – leaves on his mission in 7 years. This was his suggestion so that he doesn’t have to be away from us for almost 4 years instead of just two. Of course he is twelve. By the time he’s 19 he’ll probably want to be away from us for longer.
Anyway, that is my goal. Everyone please write one goal. (give time)
Now, turn the card over. Think about a typical day and what you do. Then write down the things you do on a daily basis that will help you reach that goal. (give time again)
If I want to be a missionary some of the preparations I should be making are – participate in missionary work in my own neighborhood, save money, take care of myself physically so that I will be healthy enough in 7 years to go on a mission.
If my goal is to go on a mission but I dodge the missionaries at church for fear they’ll ask me for the name of a friend or neighbor they can teach and don’t have a saving account for that purpose and eat junk food all the time and never exercise. What are the chances of me achieving my goal? Not good because my activities do not support my goal.
Matt. 6: 21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” This is an inescapable truth. We can say our goals are certain things – but if our actions say otherwise - Actions speak louder than words.
We have to be sure we aren’t exchanging things that are good for things that are eternal. Elder Dalin H. Oaks gave a talk in 2007 that encouraged us to choose better or best over just plain good. He said “We have to forego some good things in order to choose others that are better or best because they develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and strengthen our families.”
Elder Oaks mentions the story of Mary and Martha in the New Testament where the Savior is teaching at their home and Mary sits at His feet listening and Martha works without assistance to prepare the meal. Finally she complained to the Lord, He told her that “Mary hath chosen that good part”. Which I interpret to mean Mary was right and Martha was wrong.
To be honest, the story of Mary and Martha has always bothered me, I guess because I identified with Martha. Things do have to get done and I thought that when the meeting with the Savior was over everyone would be glad they had something to eat. It has taken me many years, but now I understand that there are things that are important and things that are more so. Being a good hostess and making a meal for her guests was important. Martha was serving others and that was a good thing. But she had the chance to be taught by the Son of God. She could either sit at the feet of the Savior of the World, or make dinner. When you line it up that way – there was only one BEST choice. Martha should have put aside her household duties and listened to the Lord. Or at the very least not criticized Mary for doing so.
So, we have to set goals, then evaluate our lives and see if we are on the path to accomplishing them.
I believe that regular, critical review of our activities and use of our time to be sure we’re putting the important things first is essential to success. Satan wants to distract us from our goals and remove us from the path that will take us to eternal happiness. Just the slightest variation over time can take us the wrong way.
I’m convinced that Satan is using frantic activity to keep us from eternal success. Is participating in sports and dance lessons and piano lessons and scouts and PTA and Boosters and whatever good? Is it essential? Maybe the answer is yes. Maybe it’s not. That’s why each of us has to review our own lives, consult with our family and the Lord, and make the decision that is right for us. Simplify. It’s okay to do things the easy way. The Lord loves plain and simple things. We should too.
So once you identify your goals and determine to be more dedicated in reaching them - Be patient with yourself.
Have any of you ever held a newborn baby in your arms and then expected them to be walking the next day? Of course not. That would be ridiculous. It’s also ridiculous for us to think we can go from regular person to superwoman overnight.
Whatever needs improvement, start small and build. Determine to do a little better.
VT (explain briefly what this is for any women who aren’t members) – We all start in different places. It isn’t about being better than someone else – it’s being better than you’ve been in the past. If you don’t even know the names of the sisters on your list – don’t try to go from that to the world’s best vt (give some examples). Find out the names of the sisters you’re supposed to visit. Make it a goal to copy of the message for each of the sisters on your route and mail it to them on the first day of every month. This fulfills your minimum responsibility as a VT. Does it make you the best VT in the world. Obviously not. But does it make you better than the VT you were the month before when you didn’t make any contact at all? Definitely. Once you get in this habit, start adding a personal note. Send your sisters a birthday card. Gradually add a personal phone call. Just a little more every month. If you backslide – start over. Keep it simple. Make it easy. If you’re already the world’s best VT – give yourself a pat on the back and keep up the good work.
Scripture study – If you already have a regular habit of daily scripture study, look for ways to stretch yourself. Study the footnotes or improve your applications or something. If you don’t even know where your scriptures are – find them. Then build from there. A verse a day is technically reading the scriptures and only takes a few minutes. You can even pull up the scriptures online and read a verse or two. Establishing the habit is the important thing. Start small, keep it simple, Make it easy.
Prayer – You can always make your prayers more meaningful. So if you have good prayer habits – keep it up. If you don’t – start. There are a lot of ways to remind yourself. Notes, sign on the door did you think to pray? Most of us have a calendar or a planner or something we already use. Don’t go buy one or try to keep up with something new. Just put a star on it every day when you say your morning prayers. Then another for your night time prayers. After a couple of weeks you’ll have the habit down. But don’t get complacent. Satan is waiting to mess you up.
FHE – If you already have this established in your home, keep going, keep looking for ways to make FHE meet the needs of your family. If you aren’t holding regular FHE’s – start. Keep it simple, make it easy. Right after dinner play scrabble or charades, read a verse of scripture, have family prayer and then a treat. It won’t take more than 30 minutes and you’re done with everything. Be willing to adapt. Do what you do for the right reasons – to benefit your family – not to look good. Life is not a contest. You’re only trying to be the best you can be. Pushing someone too hard may actually slow progress. Years ago when my children were little I prepared a very excellent FHE lesson with flannel board pictures and little strips of paper for each person to read scriptures and the treat was coordinated to almost be part of the lesson. Butch came home late that night and was tired. Instead of realizing that the lesson I had prepared was too much for this particular evening – I pressed on because I had worked hard and I wanted credit. Not because I wanted to do the best thing for my family. Butch fell asleep at some point and I told him if my lesson was boring him he should go on to bed. I didn’t expect him to actually go – but he did. Then when Grace was saying the family prayer she blessed me to feel better because my lesson was boring. At that point I started crying and sent everyone to bed and I don’t even know if we ate the treat. But I would have just set that lesson aside for a different night, when Butch got home earlier and wasn’t so tired, it would have been more effective. That night we should have just sung a few songs, eaten our treat and then everyone would have gone to bed happy. Don’t make it about you. Make it about your family. For teenagers I suggest making the best dinner of the week on Monday night so they have something to look forward to even if they aren’t crazy about FHE.
And in the self-improvement process, we need to help each other. As women we have a tendency to be hard on ourselves and each other. Reach out – help others
Sister Virginia Pearce told the story of a young mother who, while walking to the Salt Lake Valley kept her hand inside the wagon. She did this because her small child wouldn’t stay in the wagon unless he could see his mother’s hand.
Sister Pearce compared this to our day.
When I think of the pioneers tragic scenes come to mind: handcarts in blizzards, sickness, frozen feet, empty stomachs and shallow graves. For us it is different. Most of our lives are not a string of dramatic moments that call for immediate heroism and courage. Rather they consist of daily, sometimes monotonous routines that wear us down and make us vulnerable to discouragement. The pioneers made progress inch by inch, day by day, mile by mile. Do you see heroism in going to church every single Sunday? Do you see greatness in doing dishes over and over and over? In cleaning house and tending children? In diligently giving an employer a day’s work for a day’s pay? Do you recognize the fortitude required to achieve 100% visiting or home teaching, fulfill callings, share the gospel, read the scriptures, and reach out to others? Our world insists that results should be quick and rewards immediate. But it’s steady forward progress that brings lasting success. Don’t be discouraged. Think of those who reach a hand into the wagon to give you courage when your spirits are low. Be the person who reaches out to others as we all move forward on our journey together.
Remember - The Lord loves us and is anxious to help us. We have been sent here to prove ourselves, fulfill the measure of our creation, and hopefully return to live with our Father in Heaven. We have tools necessary.
And you never walk alone. Our Father is always there, anxious to help us. I remember in August when I had to put Emily on a plane headed back to Rexburg and she didn’t want to go. I watched her walk down the ramp at the airport sobbing. So I was sobbing too, of course. I wanted to run down the ramp and bring her back and tell her that she didn’t really need an education or a husband or a life of her own. She could just stay with me forever. But I didn’t because I want more than that for her. And as I drove home I realized that I had just had a little glimpse of what it must have been like for our Father in Heaven when He sent us here to earth. I’m sure we were sad to leave Him. I’m sure He was sad to let us go. But He sent us because he wanted more for us. And my comfort was that one day soon Emily would walk back up that same ramp – coming home to me. I know Heavenly Father looks forward to the day when we will all be home with Him. We should look forward to that day too and make sure we’re staying focused on the path that will lead us there.
We all come from different situations – can’t judge ourselves based on others.
Nauvoo experience - When you participate in the City of Joseph pageant each family member gets their own scene assignments. We were together in some scenes, but most of the time we were scattered. In the Temple scene we were assigned to be angels - representing past generations who are part of the eternal, unending chain. We all had to change in to white clothes, run to the end of the outdoor stage (in the dark) and climb up on some black risers. My husband and I kept our youngest (6) with us, but once we got there we had to wait for our other kids. As I stood on those risers and peered into the darkness, waiting for my children to emerge, I had a little glimpse of eternity. One by one they would arrive - from different directions, some later than others and my 10 year old almost missed our cue a couple of times. But for all 9 nights we all made it. And it helped me to know what it will be like when we're reunited after death. Everyone may not come at the same time, from the same direction, but the sealing power of the Temple makes us an eternal family and at that moment - nothing else will matter except being together. Sometimes we all get weary. The struggle often seems too hard. But it's my testimony to you that whatever stage you're in - whether single still looking forward to an eternal marriage, married and still working toward a temple sealing or in a temple marriage - the struggle IS worth it. With the Lord's help you will succeed and in that moment final moment when you're together with your family – you will be so thankful to yourself for persevering!
We have a limited time to accomplish all the above.
To recap - Figure out what you want to accomplish – and how you’re going to get there
Be patient with yourself
Little at a time
Keep it simple. Make it easy.
Re-evaluate often. Satan is so smart and he’ll slip things in until you’ll be doing something worthless before you know it and completely ignoring essential things
The Lord will bless you. Put your hand in His and let Him lead the way.
